suspend:

“1. Your skin may never be perfect, and that’s okay. 2. Life is too short not to have the underwear, the coffee, and the haircut you want. 3. Everyone (including your family, your coworkers, and your best friend) will talk about you behind your back, and you’ll talk about them too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love each other. 4. It’s okay to spend money on things that make you happy. 5. Sometimes without fault or reason, relationships deteriorate. It will happen when you’re six, it will happen when you’re sixty. That’s life.”

— Five things I am trying very hard to accept (via aumoe)

(via suspend)

may:

*hears noises at night*: well this is it this is the end for me I had a good life

*gets shampoo in my eyes*: I guess I’m blind now how am I ever going to see my first born child

*heart is beating fast*: I think I am having a heart attack is this what cardiac arrest is

*a cop walks by*: here I go about to get arrested I probably murdered someone

*taking a test*: don’t take your eyes off of this paper you will get caught cheating and get kicked out of school and amount to nothing

*gets a sunburn*: great now I have skin cancer how will I tell my parents

*tripping over something*: I guess my leg will have to be amputated why did this happen to me

*period is late*: shit i’m pregnant i’m the next virgin mary

(via may)

joey-wheeler-official:

mariowiki:

emergency-broadcast-system:

ashloveshispikachu:

ashloveshispikachu:

mariowiki:

omfsean:

mariowiki:

✦If you’re also Lois Griffin don’t follow

✦Stewies DON’T interact

✦Looking for my Peter ♡

no

Howdy! I know this is a joke post here, but i’d like to use this moment to promote my family guy crossover art and PeteLois appreciation twitter! If any fg fans out of there wish to check it out or give me a follow feel free to do so! :3 i always follow back

about to be in prison for 20+ years so i might as well bump this one more time 

What the fuck happened here on this day

god what a fucking classic post

(via spongebobssquarepants)

sixthrock:

horrormavenwescraven:

horrormavenwescraven:

horrormavenwescraven:

also i got a tiny rubber baby for 95¢

my son

is your dad a tragic 19th century French author

(via asharomi)